


5 Times Cullen Initiated Touch (And 1 Time Dorian Did)

by dara3008



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 5+1, Dorian is bad at feelings, Dorian needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Touch-Starved, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 14:05:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18551299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dara3008/pseuds/dara3008
Summary: 5 meaningful times Cullen initiated touch and the first time Dorian reciprocated.





	5 Times Cullen Initiated Touch (And 1 Time Dorian Did)

**Author's Note:**

> This basically started with 2 prompts:  
> \- A Desire Demon appearing in front of Dorian in the shape of Cullen, harming him. Cullen seeing it.  
> \- and a 5+1 story of Cullen gradually increases touching Dorian in some way, and finally the time Dorian reciprocates.
> 
> ALSO:  
> Prompts were discussed on this nifty little Discord here, so please join if you love Dragon Age, these lovely boys and are a nerd in general.  
> We may be a bit crazy, but we don't bite: https://discord.gg/WpPAGQJ

1.

Dorian didn’t quite know how he always managed to get himself into those situations. It wasn’t even a hard mission. Some tiny village on the outskirts of The Hinterlands had problems with demons. The Commander had immediately suspected a Rift and since an informant of his was living nearby, he had tagged along.

Dorian wasn’t always comfortable around the Commander. The Inquisitor was fine. They were strong-willed, with a mouth that almost matched Dorian’s. The Bull was also good company. Filthy and dirty company, but that’s the best kind in Dorian’s mind. He and his chargers were quickly becoming Dorian’s favourite bunch to hang around. Sera was one of the weirdest people he had ever met, but there was something about her that Dorian loved. Maybe it was just the knowledge that she would absolutely drive his father insane. And then there was Cole, who knew too much and spoke too soon, but was so innocent while doing it that Dorian could never stay mad, even if he threatened him with banishment.

Contrary to his own belief, Dorian got along with a lot of the people at Skyhold. Some better than others, but generally he didn’t start too many fights.

The Commander though. He tended to avoid him.

Him being an ex-Templar shouldn’t mean much to Dorian. Templars in the north didn’t have the same impact on mages as Templars in the south did. And yet when he looked at him, saw the hint of mistrust in his eyes, the shiftiness, he felt weird. He didn’t like feeling dissected with every glance. He had lived that life in Tevinter and he had escaped it. It didn’t matter if Cullen’s gaze looked for something else than his family’s did.

But he couldn’t forget the feeling of being caught. He had arrived exhausted and scared and ready to drop to the floor, but the commander had caught him and for a second Dorian had felt warm. And safe. Those few seconds refused to leave his mind.

So whenever he looked at the commander he felt uncomfortable. Dissected. Mistrusted. And yet... safe and warm.

So he avoided him. And the commander seemed quite happy with that, too.

This? This was not meant to happen.

The fight hadn’t even been hard. The Inquisitor had disrupted the rift very quickly and the scattered demons had been manageable. And then Dorian had missed an icy shot from a despair demon, but before the stupid thing had frozen his bones, a body had tackled him to the ground. For a second, he hadn’t known who had helped him.  The arms pulling him up as the last shriek of demon subsided felt familiar and for a second that warmth was back.

The commander talked, asked him if he was alright and then his hand found its way to Dorian’s neck as he looked him over. Dorian froze, unsure what was happening. The touch felt familiar, but foreign as well. His voice familiar, but foreign as well.  As he looked up into Cullen’s eyes, they gazed at him blue, but white as well. And then Dorian’s eyes shifted to the right and he saw another commander, standing a few feet away, eyebrows raised. He saw the Inquisitor and the party, staring in various states of confusion. “I-“ And just as his eyes met Commander Cullen’s wide ones, the hand on his neck shifted into something else and a low strange laugh with an uncomfortably familiar voice followed him into the darkness as something sharp pierced his stomach.

He blinked awake again, in a tent.

He took a shaky breath and cursed when the wound in his stomach tightened up. But the hand he intended to close over it didn’t budge and Dorian finally opened his eyes completely to look what was hindering him. A pale hand was wrapped around his wrist and he followed it to the Commander’s concerned face.

Dorian flinched when he remembered the hand on his neck, the look on the second Cullen’s face, the claw in his body. “What-“

“D-uh, Desire Demon.” The hand on his wrist didn’t let go, but the commander sounded uncomfortable. “The last one. Seems the rift was stronger than we thought.”

Desire demon? Desire demon in the form of the commander?

“Maker’s balls.” Dorian’s eyes fell onto his wrist again and he frowned. “Are you holding my hand, commander?”

“No!” His wrist was dropped and Dorian suppressed another flinch. “I was-was checking for a pulse.”

“Oh.” His eyes stayed on his wrist. “Was it that bad?”

“Well. You bled a lot. Lost a lot of blood.” The commander didn’t look at him, his hands now firmly intertwined. “But you will recover, thank the maker.”

“Yes.” Dorian sighed. “Thank the maker.”

 

2.

After that, Dorian tried to avoid the commander even more. Bull’s relentless teasing about his Desire Demon’s appearance was enough, and the barely concealed judgement in Sera’s eyes, whenever she looked at him, wasn’t much better.

He really didn’t need to have the commander ask him weird questions that he didn’t necessarily have the answers to.

Cullen, though, seemed to have other ideas. Not even a week after their return to Skyhold, the commander started to seek him out. So far, Dorian had managed to dodge him, but the man was becoming more and more persistent.

In the end, it was Cole’s fault that he was caught. The spirit boy had cornered him and Krem in a corner of the tavern to ask them some questions about – ironically enough - Tevinter mage and templar relations. And while Krem was in the middle of describing an encounter he had once witnessed while spying on the higher court, Dorian only noticed the commander when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched at the touch, and Cullen tensed. “Dorian. May we talk?”

“Commander.” Dorian’s heart took a break when he saw the uncertain look in his eyes. “Forgive me, but I am otherwise-“

“Oh. Such safety and warmth.” Everyone froze when Cole’s words interrupted him. Awkwardly, Krem cleared his throat and excused himself, claiming the Bull had called him. Bull wasn’t at the tavern, as far as Dorian knew. “Why are you so uncomfortable around the commander if you like him so much, Dorian? Safety is battling with discomfort. Warmth battling coldness. He’s supposed to be an enemy and yet he caught you when no one else-“

“Okay, Cole!” Dorian’s face burned and he refused to look at the commander. “We’ve heard enough, thank you.”

“I’ve upset you again. I am sorry.” The boy’s shoulders drooped and the mage felt instantly worse.

He heaved a sigh and sneaked a peek at Cullen, who looked as confused as he had in the Hinterlands. “It’s fine, Cole, it’s all good. Could you leave us for a bit? I think the commander and I really do need to talk.”

“Of course.”

Cole vanished and the mage leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms.

“So.” Cullen rubbed his neck, clearly as uncomfortable as Dorian felt. “I... I don’t...” He cleared his throat. “How’s your wound?”

Dorian couldn’t keep himself from snorting at the blatant avoidance. “My wound is fine, thank you. Not bleeding out anytime soon.”

“That’s good. I mean, I’m glad.” The hand never fell from the commander’s neck, but he tried to smile. “Dorian, I... I don’t...” He sighed and squared his shoulders. The smile fell. “I don’t understand what I saw. Are you- do you have-“

“No! Maker!” Face burning again, Dorian let his arms fall and drifted more into the shadows, coaxing Cullen along. “Do not worry your little head here, commander. I do not have _feelings_ for you.” He hissed. “I just- I don’t- This is horribly uncomfortable, but I am not used to- I have not been touched-“ He stopped again and pinched his nose in annoyance. “Touch for me... it is either sexual or to harm. I do not remember- There hasn’t been anyone who... who touched me in a safe way for a while.” The commander looked gobsmacked and Dorian would have laughed if the conversation wasn’t so mortifying. “Listen. This is not something you should think about. Those are my problems and mine alone.”

“Dorian, I-“

“I really need to leave now.” A hand touched his shoulder, but he ducked to the side after it barely graced him. “Goodnight, commander.”

 

3.

Several weeks later, Dorian was rearranging his library with the help of Bull – well, Bull called it help, but he was really only annoying Dorian – when the commander cleared his throat and awkwardly knocked on the wall. “There is no door to divide us, dear commander. Do enter.”

“I didn’t want to be rude.”

Dorian chuckled. “Oh, perish the thought. What can I help you with? Or is it the Bull you seek?” When Bull tried to add something no-doubt filthy, he simply threw a book at him. He regretted that decision immediately when the poor thing impaled itself on one big horn.

“Well, I am clearly not wanted here, I shall take my leave.” The Qunari laughed and pressed the destroyed tome into Dorian’s chest. A pained sound escaped Dorian when he looked at the gaping hole. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, boys.”

Rolling his eyes, the mage mended the book as well as he could; even in leather Qunari wounds were hard to heal. “Not like that leaves a lot.” He muttered to himself and turned to the commander. The man stared at him with a question in his eyes. “Do speak, would you?”

“Uhm.” Cullen shuffled his feet a little. Truly, it was astounding how awkward the man could look, even with his height and mass. “Are you and the Bull... Involved?”

What escaped Dorian this time was almost a giggle. “No, commander. We are not... involved. We just like to tease each other.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “Right.”

Resuming his arranging, Dorian grinned, stubbornly ignoring everything that had happened. “So! How do I owe the pleasure?”

“Well, I- I was wondering if you were familiar with the game of,“ Cullen cleared his throat. “chess.”

Blinking, the mage stopped what he was doing and frowned. “Chess.” He paused, waiting for some kind of explanation for this weird question. “Yes?”

The commander’s face brightened and he smiled tentatively again. “Would you care for a game?”

“Now?” Dorian looked at the book in his hand, still a little thrown.

“Or whenever. When we both have free time.”

Chuckling a little, he put the book away and spread his arms. “Do I look awfully occupied to you, commander?” The man looked uncertain again and when he looked like he was about to answer Dorian’s rhetoric question, the mage sighed. “I was joking. I am free right now.”

“That’s great! There’s a table in the gardens.”

“Well. Lead the way, then.” They smiled at each other and Dorian was pretty sure it was the first time they both meant it. His skin tingled a little when Cullen placed his hand on the small of his back.

 

4.

To say Dorian didn’t know what had changed would be a blatant lie. That didn’t mean he had to like it, though. The commander was... touching him.

Nothing major. Nothing too outrageous.

A hand on his arm for greeting. A pat on the back for a game well played. Sometimes a squeeze of the shoulder.

It was infuriating.

It wasn’t like Dorian didn’t know why he was doing it. _There hasn’t been anyone who touched me in a safe way for a while._ No wonder, the man felt some chivalrous need to change that. He probably thought Dorian was pathetic or weak. He probably thought – Maker forbid – that he had to _save_ Dorian in some way.

But then again... the touches weren’t bad. They felt nice. Warm and safe, as Cole had said.

And sure, Dorian hated himself a little, even for admitting it to himself, but he had missed this. Casual touch. Friendly touch.

So he didn't exactly do anything about it.

And then he… Well, he didn’t get sick, because Dorian never got sick. He got unwell.

“You have a fever.”

“I do not!” He glared at Krem, who huffed and rolled his eyes. But when he caught something over Dorian’s shoulder, his eyes lit up.

“Oh Commander!” Dorian winced and turned to the approaching man. “Please tell Dorian, here, that he needs to get his stubborn ass into bed.”

Dorian only groaned, but it quickly turned into a cough. Cullen stopped next to him and frowned. “Are you sick?”

“I do not get _sick_.” The mage’s words lost its power because they ended in a sneeze.

“Hmm.” Cullen stepped even closer and surprised him by placing a hand on his forehead. “You are rather warm.”

“I am-” Dorian swallowed his words when the knuckles of the commander’s second hand graced his cheekbone. “Commander, uh…”

“I think Krem is right, you should rest.” He moved the hands to Dorian’s neck and pulled his head a little up to look into his eyes. “Your eyes are glassy, as well.”

Dorian would have answered him, probably snarked at him as he had at Krem, but the hands on his neck made his throat constrict. His stomach filled with warmth, but his mind flashed back to that cursed demon. Hastily, he took a step back, knocking into a table. Cullen frowned, but let his hands fall, taking a step back himself. “Maybe you are right, commander, Krem. I shall take my leave.” He cast a look at Krem, whose smirk had turned slightly worried. “Excuse me.”

 

5.

The fade had fucked with his head.

He was glad that he had been there to support the Inquisitor, but he kind of hated them for taking him into the party for this. His father’s voice. It was everything he could think about. The taunting, the promises, the hateful words, the sobbing apologies. His greatest fears, his tiniest inconveniences. Everything battling inside of his head to be heard, to be listened to, to be lived by.

He hated it. He hated everything. And most of all he hated that the Desire Demons that had lurked in the shadows and the corners of his eyes had all taken the fucking Commander’s form.

It’s not like Dorian didn’t know that Cullen was handsome. He knew that his arms were built like logs, that his thighs were about double the size of Dorian’s and that his voice - although awkward and often stuttery - was incredibly deep and hot.

Did he want to climb him like a tree? Obviously. Did he want to pull his hair and ride him till he broke him? Yes, Maker yes.

But he was not planning on acting on any of those feelings, because he wasn’t a fucking moron. Just because he thought someone was attractive, didn’t mean he was immediately… desiring them in such an intense way. Why, in the name of the fucking fade, was Cullen supposedly so special?

And then the Inquisitor - his brave, wonderful, genuinely good friend - had nearly not made it and Dorian was ready to scream.

Back near Skyhold, Dorian gradually fell behind with his horse, waving off Bull’s questioning look. The Qunari nodded in understanding and for a second Dorian wished his Desire Demons took Bull’s form. So much less complicated.

His horse, just as tired as he was, slowly brought him to a remote spring just a little before the bridge to the mountain. There, he dismounted and immediately dropped into a crouch next to the water, his head in his hands.

His head was killing him. Scratch that, his whole body was killing him and his mana was screaming. He felt weak. Weak and shaken.

Dunking his hands into the ice cold water, Dorian let it fall over his face and hair. He gasped at the coldness but relished in the instant relief he felt. Cold was good, cold was grounding. His horse stepped next to him and started to drink deeply, so he took the opportunity to lean against her. She huffed against his ear and nipped his hair.

“Maker, what a mess we are in.” He breathed, closing his eyes tightly.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, he just knew that he stubbornly tried to ignore everything and anything that had happened in the last year or so. It was the sound of someone approaching on horseback that took him out of his mindless thoughts. “Dorian!”

Of course. Of course, it would be the commander. Staggering to his feet, Dorian grinned wryly. “Dear Cullen, to what do I-” The words died in his throat once more as strong hands grabbed him and pulled him against a firm chest.

The commander wasn’t wearing any armour, only a plain cotton shirt and his lion’s mane thrown over it. Dorian felt his warmth right through the shirt, felt his breathing against his own chest. A hand came to a hold on his waist and another pulled his head closer by the neck. His face was pressed against Cullen’s throat and he closed his eyes. “Why didn’t you come back with the party?” The man’s voice sounded rough, worried.

Dorian shivered, Cullen’s body heat making him realise how cold it actually was around him. “I needed… I needed some time to think.”

“Don’t worry me like this!” He winced a little at the reprimand in Cullen’s voice. “I didn’t see you. I thought you were-”

“I’m fine, commander.” The mage huffed, moving his head a little to lean more comfortably against Cullen’s chest.

He felt the man’s shaky taken breath. “I know.” Cullen sighed deeply and gathered Dorian even closer, moving his arms under the mages’ and resting them on his back. “Thank the maker, I know.”

Slowly, slowly Dorian moved his own arms around the commander’s shoulders. With a frown, he found that he had problems doing it. “Your coat is too big.” He grumbled and Cullen let out a chuckle, finally sounding less concerned.

“Forgive me.” He said amused.

And Dorian rolled his eyes.

He still didn’t know why the commander was special.

But maybe he was.

 

+1

Receiving touch was slowly becoming familiar to Dorian. After about a year and a half with the Inquisition, Cullen wasn’t the only one anymore who gave it. Bull crushed him into hugs, Sera often linked arms with him, the Inquisitor cuddled up to him on late nights around campfires. Even reserved people like Vivienne and Solas, Blackwell and Cassandra, squeezed his shoulders and patted his back.

He loved it. He hadn’t felt so accepted, such a feeling of belonging since he had been a child.

But nothing ever quite reached the feeling of Cullen’s arms around his body.

The man hugged him constantly now. To greet him, to say goodbye, when Dorian beat him in chess, as a thank you, as an apology.

Sometimes Cullen would pull him close and not let go for a while. Especially hugs goodbye, when Dorian left with the Inquisitor or Cullen left with his troops, went on for long. Sometimes he would bury his face in Dorian’s neck, his lips involuntarily gracing the mage’s skin. Sometimes he would take a deep breath like he was committing Dorian’s scent to memory. Sometimes Dorian wanted nothing more than to never let go.

But there was something, still, that was keeping Dorian from… initiating touch.

There was a fear deep inside him, that people if he tried to reach out to them, would pull away. Would reject.

There was a reason why the prominent voice in the Fade had been his father’s.

So he learned to receive touch, but he was still hesitant about giving it out.

He wanted to, though.

There were moments where he wanted to hug Cole after a battle, share high fives with Varric, huddle close with Krem in the tavern, gossiping. Moments where he wanted to sit down with Leliana and Josephine and listen to their bard stories.

There were moments where he saw Cullen from afar and wanted nothing more than to run to him and be the one to initiate that hug. Be the one to wrap his arms around his commander and pull him close.

But what if he tried to reach out and Cullen would shrink away? What if he overdid it and Cullen started to think he was too clingy? What if, what if, what if.

Receiving touch was easier.

At least that’s what he told himself, right up until the commander didn’t return from a mission.

“The troops are only a week late, Dorian. Relax.” The Inquisitor placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. They were standing on near the medical tents and Dorian’s eyes constantly moved towards the entrance of the castle.

Bull let out a loud laugh and thumped him hard on the back. “Your precious commander will soon return.”

Used to the teasing, Dorian only rolled his eyes, but he stayed silent. He had a weird feeling in his gut and he didn’t like it.

Two more weeks passed and Cullen and his men were still not back. The last letter they had received was three weeks ago. Not even Bull and the chargers made fun of Dorian’s worry anymore. Not even Sera did.

And Dorian was slowly vibrating out of his skin with concern. He barely slept, he constantly looked out of windows towards the snowy planes. Not even his books could distract him from that dreadful feeling.

5 weeks. It eventually took 5 weeks for them to return. It was Cole, who first found him in his alcove, materialism out of thin air. “The commander is back.” He said, a serene smile on his face.

The book in Dorian’s hand fell to the floor and he took a second to stare at Cole. “What?”

“The commander. He’s just outside of Skyhold.” The mage jumped up and made his way downstairs. “I can hear his voice. He’s thinking of you.” Cole said next to him, jumping in and out of sight.

The warmth in Dorian’s chest battled with the worry and the uncertainty. Cole had no reason to lie to him, of course. But facts were not always the things you believed.

He made it down the battlements, just as the men rode into Skyhold, with Cullen right up front. The relief he felt threatened to buckle his knees and he grabbed the railing for support. Cole had vanished, so Dorian was left alone, staring like an idiot. He looked for injuries, but couldn’t find any.

The Commander was fine.

Maker, but Dorian was in love with him.

Cullen was just about dismounted when he noticed him coming towards him. A smile broke out on his face and he was about to open his mouth to say something when he was suddenly knocked back against his horse, Dorian’s arms around his neck. A whisper went through the troops and someone in the very back let out a whistle. Probably Krem.

Dorian had intended a hug. He had intended nothing more than a hug.

And yet here he was, kissing the living daylights out of his commander. Right in front of his troops. With a choked sound, he sprung back, hands still on Cullen’s coat. “Uhm…” He patted his chest plate and stepped back further. “Welcome back.” With that, he turned around and started to walk away with a quick pace.

“Dorian, wait!” The commander’s voice was breathless as he jogged after him. Grabbing the mage’s hand he pulled him towards a secluded corner. “Welcome back?” He asked, cheeks aflame.

“Yes?” Dorian avoided looking into his eyes as best as he could. Maker, what had he done? “I’m also glad that you’re not dead.”

Cullen’s eyes widened in understanding. “Our messengers had been caught by bandits. I’ve only found out a few hours ago when one of Leliana’s ravens reached us.” He sighed, intertwining their fingers. “You were worried about me?”

With a huff, Dorian finally looked up. “Of course I was worried, you big oaf.”

Laughing a little, Cullen leaned closer, their foreheads almost touching. “I thought you didn’t have feelings for me?” He whispered and it was Dorian’s time to turn red.  

“Teasing me, now, are you?” Cullen’s eyes looked hopeful and the warmth returned to the mage’s chest. “I didn’t. When you first asked me.”

“What about now?” Growing bolder, the commander pulled him close.

Dorian glared stubbornly but quickly rolled his eyes. “Do you really have to ask?” And when Cullen only smiled, Dorian adjusted their position to dive into a second kiss.

Only this time he gave the commander ample time to reciprocate.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank some of my Discord friends who juggled ideas with me, especially 'Elpie', 'All Bi Myself' and 'Cap Sweet And Salty Sadness', who additionally helped me with the ending, because my first draft was lame xD  
> I really hope I didn't forget anyone, but if I did it's because my brain is a sieve and not because I'm not thankful :D
> 
> The idea's been lurking in my head for a while, especially the Desire Demon one, and I'm pretty sure without you guys, it would not have been finished!  
> Thank you for reading and helping out :D


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